Control – Watch out for this!

Have you noticed this?  Jesus never lost control.  Here is his statement to Pontius Pilate. Check this out in John 19:10, 11: Pilate therefore said to him, “Do you refuse to speak to me?  Do you not know that I have power to release you, and power to crucify you?”  Jesus answered him, “You would have no power over me unless it had been given you from above; therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.”  If we go on to 12a we read this: From then on Pilate tried to release him.

Discern what is going on here.  Pilate who was in a position to dominate Jesus because he had all the power and authority is now backing away from using that power.  God was in control of this situation and Jesus spoke plainly about that.  Pilate was not the final authority.  Nevertheless in this case, Jesus had decided to allow himself to be killed so he was.

What do we learn from this?  First of all, if someone else has the mindset and the power to control another person, that other person needs to be aware of what is possibly happening.  Secondly, when possible do not let another person control you, either by smooth talking, argument or by force.  This does not mean that we cannot change our mind about something.  It does mean watching out for someone who has a manipulative way of getting into someone’s life and in one sense rendering them helpless.

Mahatma Gandhi of India was not going to be controlled by the British.  Yes, they put him in prison but they never got control of his mind.   He knew what he believed and what was good for him and his nation so he never allowed his beliefs to yield or succumb to the British.            

Now when we get on this subject, we might think we are talking only about someone being forced to do something against their will.  Yes, there is that kind of control, for example, when a person is arrested, tried and put in prison.  Even that does not control the person’s thinking necessarily.  

But there is another kind of control that is much more subtle.  We all have heard of mind control.  Here someone has created a way to shift the perceptions a person thinks about himself or herself or about the situation they are in.  This can be a much more hidden, obscure and sophisticated form of control. Con artists and connivers have often perfected this down to an art form so to speak.  Once enticed into this two challenges occur.   First, it is very hard to detect what is going on.  Secondly, because of the cleverness of it, the victim might have a very difficult time working up the courage to claim what they have detected or seen through.  They will have a hard time taking a bold step to escape the domination they are facing.   Even though their intuition might be prompting them to get out of the way, their inability to see the whole picture of what is going on may keep them from leaving.

What is the point of talking about this?  Well, do any of us want to be under the control of additional person?  Do any of us want to be molested, bullied, raped, impregnated out of wedlock, trafficked, recruited by an Internet pornographer, married to a domestic abuser, addicted, defrauded, conned, scammed, cheated, or a victim of a scheme?   Do any of us want to be rendered helpless?  If not, then we need to be talking about this and with those we love.

How do people control others?

Use mind control techniques to shift the victim’s sense of identity to something else and do this in a very subtle, sophisticated manner.

Intimidate them overtly or covertly.

Make promises that will never be fulfilled.

Deception, not only do they deceive others, but they could well be self-deceived as well.

Are funny, easy going, fun loving, appear to be free and not controlling initially.

They keep saying something, justifying something until the victim begins to believe it is true.

They listen well, this helps them discover openings where they can now put a wedge in.

Coerce.

Seek to keep track of what the victim is thinking and keep heading them off, making sure they get little chance to think for themselves or escape the trap they are in.

Surround them with messages of love, get others to love bomb them.

Make victim think the perpetrator is on the right track and has the best reasoning and truths available.

Take advantage of the victim’s need to be needed and so provide them with an urgent opening for action.

Create or use a time when the victim is tired or exhausted to pump new messages into them.

Isolate victim from any support system they might have like family or friends.

Be nice, charm the victim.  (Notice “charm” here is a verb, not an adjective like a “charming” person).

Complement too profusely, beyond what is what can be said with integrity. 

Apologize, catch victim off guard to think they, the perpetrator, is just too hard on the victim.

Threaten violence.

Threaten harm to a relative or friend.

Keep a threat going in the background without saying anything straight out.

Set people up and entrap them into committing themselves to something like taking a faulty first step.

Lay a hidden trap.

Use telephone calls or text messages to sustain control.

Get a victim talking by asking a question, making a request, asking for a favor, stating a lie to be corrected.

Say all the right things, are thoughtful, build trust by being attentive, by being empathetic.

Address what the victim is keen about or interested in (a subject hard to turn away from).

Will not take No for an answer.

Set up a way where the victim feels obligated to act on behalf of the perpetrator.

Starts to insert “we” into the conversation as though they are on the same team with victim.

Make it look like both parties are dealing with the same problems and so building a relationship. 

Say they get what the other person is saying but then switch the conversation to their agenda.

Wear victim down with insults, complaints, make the victim’s attitude the problem.

Shame the victim, wear down their self-esteem, belittle their lack of good reasoning.

Seek to develop in the victim a sense of learned helplessness, no longer able to make decisions.

Use humor to keep victims off guard, anyone joking around can’t be that bad, can they?

Get the person high on drugs or alcohol, limiting their ability or inhibition to wisely respond.

Use victim’s need for self-medication as a way of making them dependent. 

Torture the victim until he or she relents.

Blackmail the victim, threaten to expose the victim’s wrongdoing or secret.

Being a charismatic talker like Hitler was, mesmerizing the victim.

Take advantage of victim’s weaknesses or vulnerabilities or malleable sense of identity.

Asking for actions which confuse the victim, so they have a hard time making choices.